shoplifting 101

Ok before I start into the juicily beautiful story I need to take a moment to draw up a mental picture of myself for you (you’ll get why in a moment). I stand 5’6”, weigh 100 pounds even- yes I did just give away my weight. Fair Irish skin, with long dark brown slightly curly hair and petite facial features. As far as sense of style- stylish but not risqué- I know how to piece together a outfit out of virtually anything and make it look good. All-round I consider myself beautiful- so not exactly the more threading exterior to say the least. So now that you all have a mental picture of what I look like let me begin my story…

I was helping my mother pack up that last few belongings in my parents now empty house, for in less than 24 hours I would watch my parents drive off in a u-haul to their new home in Denver, Colorado. But for now we’re stuck in Redding, California with a 100 degree sun beating down on my pretty much translucent skin while loading box after box into a metal box of a truck that’s just waiting to give you heat stroke the moment you walk up the ramp. Realizing that she packed some of her bathroom toiletries she will be needing for the three day drive ahead of her, my mother asked me to go to the store and replace them. No big deal right? How hard could that really be?

Grabbing a girl friend of mine, we drove up to hill to a near by store to purchase the 8 items oh the list. Walking around the store for a whole of 10 minutes we realize this store doesn’t have everything we need so after contemplating our slight dilemma we decided to leave what we had on a shelf and go to another store (yes I just made myself one of those customers- leaves their mess for someone else to clean up, I’m a jerk I know). Leaving the store empty handed we ventured on to our next destination.

Some 30 minutes later as we’re walking out of store number two I get a phone call from my older brother. Picking up I hear his voice on the other line telling me he had someone with him who wished to speak to me. Thinking it’s just simply one of our friends at the house, I said hello and only half listened to the voice on the other line, I even the point when the speaker said, “this is officer so-in-so”. Nope, still nothing registering in my little mind that I should be tuning in to this conversation I’m having- at this point I think it’s just a joke. Somewhere in the midst of “you’re being accused of shoplifting and the manager is wanting to press charges” did my mind click in. Ah sh*t, really!? I politely explain to this rapidly growing irritated officer that I had simply left what I had in my cart there and left. At this point he informed me “sweetie, let me break it down for you. The manager is wanting to press charges, this means jail time for you.” Wow. Well ok officer cheer-me-up. Hold your horses I’ll be right there.

Scooting on my way to meet up with my new bff I starting panicking- what was going on, what do I say? Then I remembered this little detail- we didn’t do anything. Walking in the store I was instantly greeted by two uniformed officers to whom I explained the situation. The shorted one (and yes, the cuter of the two) stepped forward asking that I show him where it was that I left those items. As we continued to walk across the store the officer explained to me the frantic condition the manager was in and how intent he was to press charges- this was confirmed by the line up of employees to watch our passing. Wow, I had never felt so popular. Apparently the manager had seen my friend and I walking around with the cart then again leaving without having purchased anything, followed us out to my car, took down my license plate number and called the police, stating that I had a very threatening demeanor. ok really?! look at me buddy, i could get in a fight with a gust of wind a lose.

Rounding the corner I spotted what I could have only assumed to be the largely over weight manager with a look of utter confusion on his face, for beside him was a tall skinny kid who looked quite mortified, pushing a cart with those items I had earlier discarded. Stumbling over his words trying to apologize and never quite looking me in the eye the manager quickly begun taking back his past accusations. Rolling his eyes and shaking his head the officer thanked me for cooperating so pleasantly and apologized for the ‘drama’.

I walked out of the store once again empty handed but this time with a laughter spilling over my lips, I’m sorry I just couldn’t help it. It’s not every day you get a phone call from a police officer letting you know that you’ve shoplifted and will soon be spending the evening in jail. Ah if that experience taught me nothing except how to humbly approach a situation with grace even when you’ve done nothing wrong I’d be happy. So let’s all raise our glasses and make a toast to misunderstandings….. cheers