Drinks, Dance, and Beer Pong

Three things you should know about me before reading this; I have an unusually tender heart, I love dancing, and after a few beers all my emotional walls begun to crumble. Now that you have some kind of idea as to where this could go let’s begin…

After a few texts and a dozen outfit changes later, I was driving with the windows down, radio blaring, and having a dance party of one as the night steadily grew upon the world surrounding me. I had a smile on my face as the wind blew my curls from my face, something told me the night that lay before me was going to be a good one. Beautiful friends, wonderful family, and plenty of drinks- how could it be any less than perfect? This last month wasn’t exactly what I would describe as easy (don’t worry, one of these days we’ll talk about why) but it was real, as was I. But now I was ready for a night of careless fun and these were just the people to have that with.

A shot of whiskey, some good ol catching up convo, and impatiently waiting for two of the guys later we were all jammed into a car and headed to a house party. Granted we got lost multiple times due to misled gps and all of us yelling at the poor driver the wrong directions, but we finally got there in one piece. I learned many things that night, the first of which, I am terrible at beer pong… er, let me rephrase that- I have terrible aim. Sure I may have made the first shot because I was paying more attention to trying to figure out which beer was mine than attempting to be any good at what I was doing, but for 90 percent of the game my poor partner had to carry more than his weight on our little team of two. Thankfully he was a good shot and my naivety created just enough entertainment to make the ordeal bearable. Until the very end, two cups remained on each teams side, my partner had sunk his ping pong ball into one of the opposing teams cups (there is just no proper way to say that) and he encouragement rang out into the air as we both realized I could quite possibly tank the game. With one last pitiful look at him, I sincerely apologized in advance for missing and half heartily tossed the ball. I don’t know if it was skill, luck, or the entire universe smiling down upon me.. but by god I made the shot. Although half the garage might have went deaf with my shrieking, I was determined to let the room know what had just happened. The girl who spent half the game cheering for one of her best friends even though she was playing on the other team had just made the winning shot. That ladies and gentlemen is the moment, somewhere out there, a pig flew for the first time.

The night went on- someone cried, someone threw up, and someone fought (and to save reputations and just keep you wondering we’re going to go ahead and keep those identities concealed from the rest of the world). Somewhere between laughs, unsuccessful games of pool/beer pong, and countless drinks my friend and her father (the man who so graciously offered his garage to our enjoyment) started showing off their dance skills. Now as I mentioned at the beginning of the post, I love dance. Anytime it is near (in person or even on tv) I am instantly captivated by it. There is just something about two people in motion to a melody that not only is being heard, is being felt. A man offering his hand to his partner willing to take the lead and the female being venerable enough to follow, accepts his gesture. Now a fact not known to many before this moment is that I have never danced before. Sure I’ve gone to ‘the clubs’ with my friends and we shake what our momma’s gave us in good fun, but I have never danced with a man. Growing up in a more conservative home where school dances were off limit (sorry mom and dad I learned bad things without donning on a prom dress) and seeing as none of the guys who came in and out of my life didn’t seem to have the same dancing desires pressing at their heart, I had never had a man extend his hand and ask me to dance. Nonetheless I still never gave up the fantasy. So many times over the years I have closed my eyes and let visions of being drawn into a man’s presence as one hand is slipped around my back and the other is offered as a guide as he leads me around the dance floor. I often find myself imagining this scenario over and over as I drift off to sleep, letting my heart dare to believe that one day my vision will come true. One day I’ll be asked to dance.

My friend’s attention was soon caught by something other than dancing with her father and off she fluttered, her eyes full of light. He turned to me, hand extended, and said “What about you Andy?” Somehow, in the middle of the evening when we were all at our peek my friend’s father had pointed out that I had a striking resemblance to Andie MacDowell (just slightly younger) so the name seemed to stick for those around who heard his comparison. My head shook as laughter escaped from my lips, I tried to protest saying how I had never danced with anyone before, yet my feet and the few beers I had consumed moved me froward to accept his offer. He started me off with a simple two step to the music we could barely hear over the hum of the room and soon introduced in the three step until something in my body feel into the rhythm my heart had been dreaming of all those years. Some stopped and watched, challenging my statement that I had never danced before. Blushing, I said it was just in my blood. Someone in the room demanded country music be played and if you know anything about me, strip off my surroundings and my heart is that of a homegrown country girl. We quickly changed our pace to match that of what was coming through the radio and I’m not sure my eyes could have shown any brighter than they were in that moment. Looking around the room I saw the faces of my best friends, heard the music that makes my heart happiest and I was dancing…. I felt top of the world and my laughter let everyone know it.

Our movement slowed down as a slower song began to play and everything else faded away. I closed my eyes to let my mind shut off and for my body to move without first thinking. To let what was in my blood take over. I suddenly became aware of the warm tears that were streaming down my face. No thought sparked the emotion, no mental buildup, nothing happened but me letting my heart take over. “Why are you crying?” This gentle father asked me, clearly surprised at the sudden change. “My heart hurts” I whispered back. I wanted to tell him everything, about my heartache, my pain, my confusion, my family. I wanted to tell him everything so badly, but the words just got caught in my throat. Pulling me in and holding me like only a man with a father’s heart could, he softly told me “You’ll be ok Andy, I promise”. “I know I will be,” I breathed as we transitioned into the next song, “it just hurts. It’s all so heavy”. With those words I felt my entire world every so gently kiss my war torn shoulders, the pain almost unbearable. In the safety of a strangers arms I let my walls down as he guided my feet in a circle around the cement floor. He listened as I let a few words spill out about a broken heart, a love lost, a past I was trying to over come, and a future I couldn’t quite figure out. And just when I thought my heart couldn’t take any more Hunter Haye’s ‘Wanted’ came on and with each note that played through the radio I let our dancing once more take me away. With every step we took I found myself letting go of everything once more. The words of the song reminding me of a love I’ve dreamt of for many years. Letting all disappointment, shame, pain, misplaced hope slide off my back until both my head and my heart were clear. Love clouded my vision, love for my friends, my family. Love for myself, my future.

The music finally changed back and I timidly thanked him, slightly embarrassed at the tender place my heart had gone to while dancing with someone I had met only hours before. Patting me gently on the cheek he repeated, “You’ll be alright Andy, I promise”. “I know” I replied, this time with a smile as I was pulled off by my best friend to another round of terribly played beer pong, my words more of a reminder to myself than my friend’s father. Even many hours later as I drove home at 6 o’clock in the morning after taking all of my friends home (we know how to make an evening last let me tell you) and tears once more found their way down my face those words rang inside my heard. Sorrow and joy swirled around until all I felt was the here and now of the moment. I took everything- my heart, my future, my family and laid them at the feet of someone much bigger than my own and walked away.

I have my faith and my hope and if I am who I say I am, I know I will be just fine. I am a tender-hearted girl who is naive and has hopes as high as the tallest tree. Yet I am a woman who has a fire burning so fiercely within her she believes she can change the world. I might be just the right mix of chaos that’s needed to guide my my heart through this spinning thing we call life, and make something absolutely beautiful out of it.
Stay tuned… you just might be able to come along for the ride. One dance at a time………….