Bartender Pour Me Another Shot of Patience. Actually, Make That A Double

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it ten thousand more times- I hate crushes. No, I’m not saying that I hate the person I have a crush on (that would be rather pointless wouldn’t it?), it’s the ‘getting the crush’ part that I despise. Sure the feeling of catching their eye from across a crowded room and a million butterflies start flapping their magical little wings around in your stomach leaving you wanting to puke up whatever you ate within the last 24 hours is a lovely thing and I, as well as every other human being, can learn to appreciate that moment. But it’s the moment 2.5 seconds following that time-slowing glance where all hell is unleashed and the thoughts of ‘Wait, what did that look mean?’, ‘Was he smiling at me because he likes me, or was he just being nice?’ comes crashing down, taking all sanity with it. And then there’s my specialty- letting you’re imagination run wild, naked through the woods,  creating something out of nothing as your girlfriends encourage you to read into things that just aren’t there. All single people, do yourselves a favor and watch He’s Just Not That Into You. It’s golden. Key line of the movie I’ve taken to heart- “If a guy want to be with a girl, he will make it happen. No matter what”. Ladies, if there’s one thing we know about guys is it’s that they’re not all that great about subtlety. We’re the ones who hide everything in double meanings and emotional scavenger hunts, not them. So watch the movie a few times and take notes.

Another thing I hate about the whole ‘crush thing’ is the waiting part. Sure, sure it’s supposed to be a magical time to cherish and not rush. But if you have a track record that looks anything like mine you dread this time as much as I do. It’s all fine and dandy if you’re playing the waiting game until this dream guy sweeps you off your feet, but I am the queen of unrequited love, so this waiting period isn’t all rainbows waiting for him to ask me out, it’s until that crashing reality check that lets me know it’ll never happen. Good times kids. Where am I going with this? Oh yeah, I do have a point to all this…

I was in the middle of a text conversation with a good girl friend of mine back home when I asked her about her current crush seeing as they had just spent time with each other while she was out on a work trip and he had come to meet up with her. Saving the identity revealing details, she had asked for me to say a little prayer that he’s open up a little, while she was feeling the chemistry she could sense that he was holding back. Trying to figure one’s feelings out is a complicated little bastard to wrestle with and for the fact that I don’t know this guy of hers beyond what she’s told me, I have no gage on what’s he ish. So I responded- ‘man it’s hard being a girl and balancing going after what you want and waiting to figure out if he wants to pursue you or not. So I’m just going to be praying that you get patience’.

Struggle with crushes number 3- having patience. Now I consider myself the old fashion type when it comes to guys in the sense of I will wait it out until he makes the first ‘move’. My infamous if you want it come and get it stand point. No, I’m not asking someone to jump through a fiery ring to catch my attention, just have enough respect for me to actually take a stab at pursuing my heart- NOT through text message or Facebook chat thankyouverymuch (boys, grow some balls and call a lady up). Anyway,  I know my friend well enough to know through and through how much of a strong, confident woman she is and is used to going after exactly what she wants, how she wants, and when she wants. Friendships, jobs, and yes, even boys. But I continued to text her my worry asking her to hold the reigns of her heart just this once. For not the sake of her heart in feeling a man pursue her in the way she truly desires but for this guy in her life as well, giving him the space to figure out if she is what he wants and if so, allow the ‘white knight’ every guy has in him win her over. A man needs the battle of fighting a dragon to feel the victory of winning his lady’s heart.
I’ve seen so many women get feel the fire lit beneath their rears and forgo the waiting period of the guy approaching them, and they go after him, just ‘making it happen’. So either they crash and burn because they ‘came on too strong’ or months into the fixed relationship they wonder why their boyfriend isn’t striving to meet their needs. That’s because you demasculinized him sweetheart. The moment you started the relationship out wearing the pants you pushed him out of the driver’s seat, why would he suddenly take over when you had your fingers white-knuckling the steering wheel from day one? It’s a woman’s desire to be pursued and it’s a man’s nature to fight.

As women we grow up watching prince after prince battle dragons, cruses, and weird octopus ladies and thus began our dreaming of our very own prince fight to win our hearts. But over the years of failed attempts and a little too much women’s empowerment gone to the head and we start changing the game by switching gender rolls the moment we take away the man’s privilege of pursuing us. All the while that seven year old girl inside of us is still wondering when Prince Charming is coming to rescue us. As I begun I was typing all this out to my friend, letting her know she was worth gaining the patience to be fought for, I realized I should have been looking in a mirror as I said that (well, I actually was looking in a mirror- I was at the gym running and they have mirrors lining the walls. but that’s not the point). Sure it’s easy for me to offer up the whole ‘waiting’ idea to my friend while there isn’t a single man of interest in my life (sort of, well the reality of anything happening isn’t there) and hasn’t been for a while. I can’t really even the last time I had a crush on a guy, so butterflies, crushes, and waiting is completely irrelevant to me right now.

It’s easy to stand firm in ‘if he wants it, he’ll have to come and get it’ when there’s no one wanting it. I’m sure whenever someone comes along bringing a basket full of rainbows I’ll have to reread my own words of wisdom in waiting. But maybe that’s why I’m still single, giving me the time to find every ounce of worth I have so when prince charming does come along I’ll wait it out until he fights a dragon or two. Hell, for all I know he’ll show up tomorrow or my luck, I’ve known him forever and he’s the patient one. Frankly, I really don’t know and I don’t care. But what I do have it a growing sense of patience. And a tattoo lining the inside of my arm that reads “None but the Brave deserve the Fair”, reminding me that I will settle for nothing but the man that is brave enough to take a stand in pursuing me.

So ladies moral of this little story- hold your little horses and let a man do his thing. If he want’s you he’ll come and get you, in his own way and his own time. Don’t, don’t, don’t rush it. Take a moment to listen to that seven year old girl inside and actually give yourself the benefit of the doubt that one day Prince Charming will come for you. In the mean time settle down and learn to enjoy where life has you at right now. It’s hard, TRUST ME, I know. We’ll get through it.
Keep smiling kiddos.