We Can be Just Friends… Can’t We?

Seeing how I am so diligent in keeping up with this whole ‘confessing all that goes on in my life thing’ even though three weeks have passed (as well as plenty of entertaining incidences that I haven’t told you about) but to stay a tiny bit consistency I thought I’d pick up where I left off on my last posting: my awkward, lives-an-hour-away, vacation buddy and the thickening tension that was seeming to grow between us.

Me, being my quite, stalkerish, observing self, begun to watch this acquaintance and take mental notes on how he interacted with the different people that we met in that quaint little town. (Okay that lasted all but four minutes before I felt weird watching him and talk to my host and then decided to rely on my brilliance and abnormally detailed memory filling system). It was then that I realized a pattern- when a new/cute girl came along I watched the person who was reserved towards me open up, strike up conversation, and make those pretty little girls giggle. And let me tell you- I became offended. It became clear, because he had no interest in me, there was no point of a connection.

Okay sure, in some vague sense we are friends, but I think (I’m speaking for the both of us right now) we both ruled each other out a long time ago as one another’s possible future mates, so we’ve become stuck in this ‘let’s pretend we’re better friends than we actually ever will be‘. A good ol’ case of the ‘fuck its‘. Even though I knew this, the unoffendable one was ragingly offended. Not because I wanted him to turn on the charm we all know he has and make me giggle along with the rest, I just thought since we were kinda were on vacation together there would be a touch of social interaction or two.

Seeing as I can’t keep a grudge to save my life, I quickly got over my offense long before the sun set but it set off a train reaction on my mind that led me to ask this question- what is the point of being friends with the opposite sex?

Right now all your little mental reactors are flying around in all colors of fury wanting to give me the ‘lecture of a life time’ on how I’m SO wrong. But this is a blog so you can’t really.. unless you take your ranting out on my comment box. But it’s okay, you’ll get over it, or you’ll let it ruin your day by obsessing over it.

Seriously now, let’s back up and take a look at this- a guy and girl become friends and at one point or another, one party (usually the more sensitive of the two) falls for the other party involved. From here the fallen party can notify the other of ‘said feelings’ and 1. (i’f you’re living in a movie) the other suddenly realizes the feelings are reciprocated and birds start singing as the credits roll. Or 2. they have the endure that lovely, I think you’re great, but just not into you in that way (usually it’s more of a 2 hour-beat-around-the-bush pussy foot conversation that ends up complicating things more than clearing them up). Better yet they suffer in silence (my usual mode of operation) and slowly die inside wondering if that friend ever feel the same way (it’s terrible let me tell you, such a waste of your mental abilities).

So that’s the one friend falls for the other scenario, the other is quite simple, you’re good buddies, kickin’ it old school and such when bam, one of you starts seeing someone. Even though you promise yourselves ‘this isn’t going to change our friendship‘ you might as well start hand them the shovel and ask them to single handedly dig the grave and chisel R.I.P BFF’s. I mean you could always go for the third wheel action until the significant other starts to feel awkward, wondering who exactly the couple at the dinner table is. But in truth, I give it 3 weeks to 2 months until the he/she friendship drifts apart until you see each other at group gatherings or that random running into one another at the market ad you’re suddenly exchanging those awkward ‘hi how are you’s’

Still think I’m wrong? (probably so). My challenge to you- make a list of all the opposite gender friends you have, the ones you’d actually consider a close friend of yours, I don’t care, go through your phone, Facebook list, heck, break out the good ol’ pin and paper trick and jot those names down. Now tell me out of those guys/girls how many of them have you had a thing for or they had for you at one point or another in your relationship, even it was a two-week-before-you-really-got-to-know-them or a it’s a mostly-in-your-head thing. I promise you, you’ll be surprised. Sure you could still be friends and made it through the unknowing swooning for the other. But congratulations, you’re still apart of my little statistic.

All this being said, I still have friends who are guys and I always will. A large majority of them I’ve had a little thing for at one time, some I probably unadmittedly still do. I am the QUEEN of falling for my closet guy friends, no really, polish the crown and throw me a damn parade I am so successful at it. GUYS, here’s your warning now: unless you decide to make me your wife one day, do not, I repeat, do NOT attempt to become my best friend, I will most defiantly fall for you.

Realizing all this isn’t going to make me run to an all girls club and boycott the befriending of the male gender as a whole. It’s simply causing me to step back and take caution with how to enter my friendships from now on, mostly because in the past I’ve tend to be the more sensitive one thus falling for my guy friends and suffering from the dreaded enemy The Crush (although tables seem to have turned lately but we’ll talk about that at a later time).
Do I see the point in opposite gender friendships? Of course, being a relationship driven woman I couldn’t live without them without wanting to go on a estrogen killing spree. Besides, some of the people that have had the most impact on my life to this day have been my male friends.

So to my friend/acquaintance who I judged a little too easily and got WAY to offended at, I humbly apologize. I can understand the lack of built connection. Although I do still think we can be buds or at least go on pretending we are. Cheers