what is in a text?

I’ve had this “rule” for quite some time now that has suited me well, I’ve spent numerous conversations with both male and female about this subject. I feel very adamant about it. My rule: no text flirting.

“But what the hell?! It’s so much fun, shooting fun, witty comments back in forth over the wondrous technology of satellite”

Ok, ok calm yourself down and don’t pick up any rocks to start stoning me just yet. My viewpoint on it is if the guy (yes, i’m old fashion- i believe the man should do the internal pursuing) hasn’t made an effort to start the bases of flirting/complementing in person, he shouldn’t hide behind the face of technology. In a more blunt terms- if you don’t have the balls to pursue me face to face and risk my reaction (responsive or rejection), then don’t you dare think you can start something via text message. Ugh can you tell this is one of my pet peeves?

Funnily enough, seeing as this is subject that can get me up on my soap box any day of the week, in the last month I have found myself in two different situations in which the man as let the main pursuit be over text message. The first guy, whom was significantly older than myself, I had met a few months back and while our paths had crossed a various events, we never had anything more than a casual conversation. Until he emailed me an invitation to a barbecue he was holding, sent spent a few days wittily emailing back and forth before I realized we had exchanged numbers and the texting begun. That was also around the same time that I noticed the 1. when we were in person, he was more stand offish than I would have liked and 2. the texts usually started later in the evening. Wow two strikes buddy- not very impressed. And when I called him out over the carpet (yes, over text message) his response was that is was all due to the fact that we work in the same place and he tries to keep a low profile when it comes to conversations with women. Bull shit, I watched him have countless conversations with various women and no one batted an eyelid. Homeboy was pulling shady pursuit work which left me very unimpressed to say the least. So that idea I laid to rest and moved my sights on.

The second guy I met during my summer semester which ended two weeks ago. He was in both my sociology and psychology classes and it took just a days into the semester for my brian to start registering him in my classes then a few more before I noticed him over the others. He was the strong, more reserved type and to my rather outspoken, spunky self- I was naturally drawn to his stature. But through the seven weeks of our semester there might have been random points of connection but it never developed further, and i was ok with that. If something was to happen there was no reason to make it happen, it could have developed naturally. Weeks passed by and I got on a plane and flew across 3 states from California to Colorado to visit my parents, leaving all thoughts of college and men who attended them behind. That is, until a few days ago I got an email from this man, asking me out to a movie/ice cream.

On this I have to say (another rule of mine), if a man (not boy) has the courage to ask me out, he deserves my time. No i’m not talking about jumping into a relationship, i’m just talking about dinner and getting to know someone.

So I responded with a yes and left him my number, later that day he text me and once again I find myself in building a form of communication over text message. I will say this, the fact that I’m states away and can’t exactly make things happen in person (which at least this one made an attempt to) does play a large factor in this. But as we’re texting and yes, crossing into complimentative communication- I can’t help but to find my heart checking my actions… are we building a foundation to get to know each other or escaping into a world of pretend- we’ve never had an actual conversation outside of school? How can you really get to know someone over text and email? And why is it that these men have the way of helping me break my rule. On the other hand- it’s just dinner and a movie we’re talking about here not a life long commitment. Am I over reacting to a rule I originally set to keep people out rather than protectively let them in. is my rule made out of wisdom or fear? should i ignore that little voice that says i want a man who has the ‘balls’ to pursue in person and disregard these boys who want the instant gratification of a text message. i don’t think i can do that, i’ve lowered my standard enough in the past to know it gets me nowhere but hurt.

and tell me- what is it about me that sends the message to these ‘boys’ that lets them know it’s okay to do this? does the stature that i hold myself at somehow say that i am a woman who will put up with the late night texts? i’m not asking to be unapproachable, i just want to hold myself in a way that a guy knows he has to be a man to think he can “get me” .