“I married my best friend”

a few days ago i stood outside with a close girl friend of mine, finding these words spilling out of my mouth- “no matter how hard you try to become his best friend, he’ll never wake up and realize you’re his future wife“. my words hung in the air between us, settling into not only her heart but mine as well. my words were not those of harshness or a verbal slapping of the face, they were simply a reality spoken out of love.

it is widely known (or at least thought) by all of womanhood that every guy just wants to marry his best friend. weather or not this is fact, it is the way that we women approach the men in our lives who could be described as ‘potentials’. you know what i’m talking about- those guys who we have yet to find ways to excuse away their limitations in compatibility with the woman we’re becoming. our way of  ‘keeping an open mind’. in doing this we seem to fall into this pattern of jumping to the rescue anytime our guy of the moment needs help, wants to hang out, or just sends out a text, constantly putting ourselves in

the Harry/Sally scenario every woman hopes for

the position to be emotionally available the moment he needs it. expecting that one of these days the vail is going to fall from his eyes and he’s going to see what we’ve known all along- we’re that best friend he just can’t live without. and we’ll live happily ever after going through life’s hardships together and we’ll tell the story to our grandchildren to come how we married our best friend. so we wait around day after day putting our heart on the line begging, hoping, praying that through all this he somehow realizes that he needs us. yup just i said it. need. what we are all so afraid to admit out loud- so often we as women don’t just want to be wanted.. we long to be needed. the truth is so many of us feel that we need to be needed.

i don’t care if you want to admit it or not, but most of you know exactly what i’m talking about and have found yourself in the very position i’m describing- and no, i’m not excusing myself out of this at all. so many times i have found myself crossing the boarders of having a harmless crush to allowing my fantasy to take them a step further. having feelings become expectations, putting my heart on life’s proverbial table. but here’s the thing we so often forget, we spend all our emotional strength putting our hearts into this ‘relationship’ that he doesn’t even know is going on. we go home at the end of the night feeling rejected by someone who has no idea he’s doing any kind of rejecting in the first place.

looking my friend in her beautiful green eyes i said ‘babe, if you want to be his friend then fine, but if you’re making yourself available hoping that he’ll realize what’s in front of him. you’re putting your heart on the line for someone who doesn’t want it“. painfully i put my own feelings into check “so and so (my momentary ‘prospective’) is not my future husband, no matter how much i fantasize or sit and wish my heart away, he’s never going to notice me in that way. but i’m okay with that“.

Yea, it hurts sometimes to pull yourself back into reality at times, but but no matter the sting in the moment, it’s those decisions that allow us to call ourselves women rather than girls. Sitting there (no matter your age) feeling like if don’t put yourself in his way, he’ll never notice you. Sure that particular guy might not glance your way and more than likely- he ain’t your man. because let’s face it- you’re the only one who knows what’s going on and that means the one who’s going to do the changing. and i’m sorry but no matter how much you try and justify it, altering yourself to fit into becoming what you think his ‘ideal’ girl is will never pay off.

yes, one day i’m sure we will all be able to one day be married to our best friend, it just doesn’t mean we have to sacrifice our identities in the hopes of some passing crush looks our way. Babes- come on, deep down you know you feel the same way it just takes a bit of re-prioritizing our desires. Do you want to be needed now or wait to be wanted by the right person?